365 Ways to Fall Out of Love

July 31st/2018

In true Elizabeth Gilbert fashion, I (along with most other women my age) take to jet setting at the end of an important chapter of my life. Whether it’s break-ups, graduations, or the conclusion of Entourage, the stamps in my passport all carry some heavy baggage.

That being said, my most recent endeavor to the opposite side of life-as-I-knew-it was less about falling in love and more about falling out.

Now, just to get it out of the way - my year abroad didn’t come without feelings. First, a Bartender who’s Boxing Day Special was multiple whiskey sours chased with helping me accidentally rearrange my furniture, and second, a boy who should have stayed in my DMs and out of my day to day life.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. I usually opt for the latter.

Don’t be fooled - I did fall in love. Roughly forty times a day by my count. I fell in love with solo lunches at Chin Chin and wandering the night markets by moonlight. I fell in love with the booth in the corner of Two Johns in the International terminal, which I sat in every time I awaited another adventure. I fell in love with the passionate look in my best friend’s eye as she took me Kayaking in New Zealand for the first time (I still maintain that I nearly died), the same ten songs they play every night at La Favella, and the nights spent laughing under the star spattered Fijian sky with a person who sets my soul on fire.

Every time I fell in love I took an equal step out. I fell out of love with the idea that people find themselves in your life for a reason. Sometimes they just wander in without explanation and it’s ok to ask them not to stay. I fell out of love with the fantasy I built of what life at 25 should look like. Some days it’s bailing out of an airplane, and other days the climax is eating peanut butter out of the jar at two o’clock in the afternoon. I fell out of love with the belief that complicated is interesting, and that fear is healthy. I fell out of love with staying up late, artisanal coffee, and convenience.

This year I fell out of love consistently and fell more and more in love with myself as I shed the weight of everything else I was holding on to.