Big Dick Energy

A very small, vibrant man once told me that he wanted nothing more than to fulfill his primal needs and “scale me like a tree”.

I thought for sure that this was the best compliment I would ever receive.

That held true until recently when a co-worker stopped me in the midst of one of my trademarked rants and said “…Obviously. It’s because you have Big Dick Energy.”

Move over, Beyoncé. I have arrived.

I will explain now, as I had to explain to my Mom, Big Dick Energy (BDE) is confidence without arrogance. It is an unconscious attitude that is (what one twitter user states to be) the equivalent of writing a check for $10k knowing that you have it in the bank.

I do not have 10k in the bank, however I do have an anything I want I can get mindset, which I believe to be crucial in the pursuit of getting to where you want to be.

Welcome to my TedTalk.

I am a firm advocate of putting things out there. I tell everyone I meet what I’m working on and where I’m going in life, whether they asked or otherwise. I use “when” instead of “if” when qualifying my goals, and I don’t often take no for an answer.

I DM slide attractive boys, buy dishware for a house I don’t yet have, and follow up incessantly until I get what I want.

60% of the time, it works every time.

This, I now realize, is Big Dick Energy at its finest.

BDE isn’t solely the ceaseless pursuit of what you want, demanding respect, or being larger than life. BDE is also humility, ownership, and integrity to ones word.

It’s laughing at yourself, learning from your mistakes, being comfortable in your own skin, and choosing which fucks to give and when.

Rihanna, Prince, Chrissy Teigan, Edna Mode, my seventh grade English teacher.

Big dicks everywhere.

Being told I have Big Dick Energy was the most touching compliment I’ve ever received as it had nothing to do with the things I consciously think about – my height, my hair, my career, my education, my tattoos, my affinity for serial killers.

It was a compliment to my character.

And people with big dicks get things done.

So, I challenge you to acknowledge the big dicks in your life. Whether it’s your mom, your athletic therapist, your three year old nephew, or your drug dealer…

You’ll be surprised how far “Hi, my name is __________, and I’d bet that you have a big dick,” will get you.