Do Not Stay Where You Are Needed, Go Where You Are Loved.

“Do not stay where you are needed. Go where you are loved.”

One of the biggest lessons I’ve had the pleasure of learning in this lifetime is that those who need us and those who love us are not always the same people.

And that’s okay.

We are not always going to be appreciated, rewarded, or even acknowledged for stepping up in the roles we are asked to occupy – be it as a partner, a friend, an employee, or any of the other niches we fill in our day-to-day lives.

What is important is that we find the line between mutualism and parasitism.

What is important is that we stay not where we are needed, but where we are loved.

Pushing aside your own needs for the sole sake of fulfilling the needs of someone else is not love. It isn’t romantic. It isn't heroic. It isn’t honest.

It’s toxic.

Someone who truly loves you would never ask you to sacrifice yourself for his or her sake.

But need is a very powerful concept. Need has an incredible ability to inspire feelings that fall on a vast spectrum from guilt to inflated self-worth. The feeling of being needed gives us all a sense of power, which we are often hesitant to let go of.

What happens when you stay where you are needed instead of going where you are loved?

We burn out. We stop caring. We become resentful. We stop being able to perform the roles required of us.

We become unhappy.

Because love, gratitude, and interdependence inspire us to go above and beyond in our roles and allow us to find the healthy boundaries of our personal and professional relationships.

Without it, we become static.

If we feel unloved, we cannot be the best versions of ourselves. Even if we could be, we probably wouldn't want to be.

If we stay where we are needed instead of going where we are loved, we hinder not our own growth but also that of those who are dependent on us.

When we stay in a workplace that doesn’t grow us for the sake of our teammates, or a task that wont be seen through without us, we disallow that establishment from finding it’s gaps and developing the ability to solve it’s own problems.We show the people around us that it's okay to settle for subpar treatment and in turn duplicate the issue at hand.

When we stay in relationships that leech us of everything but our best intention, we stunt our partner’s personal growth and reinforce toxic romantic ideals. We close the door on compromise.

When considering the implications of need on our self-worth and mental health, know that it’s okay to walk away from need and towards love despite the temporary guilt it inspires.

It’s okay to say that we can’t be what someone else needs us to be.

Just as it’s okay to stay so long as our own needs are being met and it is not at the expense of love.

Often times we will find that the people/places that love us don’t need us at all. They want us. They want us despite what we can provide for them. What we can provide for them is a mere bonus.

And at the end of the day, unconditional want is superior to conditional need.

So let this be sign to not stay where you are needed. Go where you are loved.