Elite Daily

While hunting through the carnage of ten years worth of screenshots and poorly written poetry, I tripped over the body of my first application for a role as a writer. Before the glory of Branded Magazine, It's Date Night, and this here blog - I was a true and tried content writer for Elite Daily.

At Twenty-One I composed what some (just me) could call a "brilliant and colourful" appeal for employment, or the body of an inevitable Plenty of Fish profile.

To begin, my life plays out like a hybrid episode of How I Met Your Mother and I Survived. Writing about my every day trials and tribulations saves me from more destructive outlets, such as binge drinking.

If you boiled me down to a set of headlines, they would read as such –

How to Trick People Into Thinking You Have Your Life Together

Ways in Which John Hughes Has Failed Me

Eat, Sleep, Drink: The Real Lessons Learnt Abroad

Chandeliers, Economy Class, and LBDs: a Tall Girl’s Nightmare

15 Things That Aren’t Illegal But Absolutely Should Be

My passions include cynicism, naps, and juice-boxes. I'm really just a toddler with a driver’s license. In addition, I'm an avid traveller (29 countries and counting) who prides herself on the number of exotic animals she has ridden in her journeys.

I also read viciously in my down time, as if Stephen King himself holds the secret to life.

When I pretend to be an adult, I study Forensic Psychology at UBC, but consider myself too young to have a working life plan put in place.

My formal training is limited to forensic experimentation, marine research, and selling costume jewelry. However, my university professors (despite finding me loud and uncalled for most of the time) have found me to be a strong writer with a love of big words and a certain eloquence in my endless bullshitting.

Interestingly enough, though I lack training, I was published in a collection of poetry submitted by adolescents when I entered the seventh grade. This, of course, was high point for me until I realized that where other contributors expressed the inspiration behind their poems, I merely stated that I was tall and enjoyed to jump on the trampoline.

You're welcome, Society.

(I blame ambiguity in submission instructions for any and all of my personal downfalls).

Being a student, I have suffered through four years of basic writing skills, so I now know when to use "a" vs. "an".

And by luck of being a millennial, I have 21 years of hilarious (yet tragic) anecdotes to fuel my journalistic flame.

So why should you employ me? Who’d be interested in what I have to say?

Well, people who drink from the carton so long as their roommate isn't looking, dry-shampoo consumers, the self-proclaimed eternally single, individuals who's closets contain more memorabilia from one night stands than actual purchases, people who frequent ski bars yet don't know how to ski, probably my mom, my grandparents by association, and hopefully Khloe Kardashian.

So, as they say,

Call me; beep me – if you wanna reach me.