Goal Getting and Modern Romance

“The world is available to us, but that may be the problem.” 

If anyone knows anything about love in the age of the millennial, it’s our boy Aziz Ansari. In his novel Modern Romance he explores all the ways in which dating apps and social media have completely fucked any and all chances of us ever having functional relationships.

Hard pill to swallow.

Personally, I am not a Tinderella, Plenty of Fish-erman, or Bumbling Beauty (these aren’t real things). I prefer the real time meet cute or turning my enemies in to short-term lovers just for the sake of storytelling.

The reality of things is this: we live in a technological world and this is how our generation does it.

Courting is a thing of yesterday. Uninvited dick pics have taken its place.

I have somehow successfully conned all of my past partners into thinking I’m a good idea without the use of modern day dating apps, however my romances often fail to launch or quickly burn out based on yet another millennial staple: goal getting.

We aren’t the first generation in history to have goals, but as a whole we are the first to occupy a space safe enough to speak openly about our ambitions and set out fearlessly in their pursuit (outside of running a ranch OR having 2.5 kids and earning a six figure wage).

If you’re doing either of these things, you’re ahead of the game. Most of us are broke from too many Contiki trips and can’t get a real job because we let someone tattoo our hands at Shambhala.

As members of a goal getting generation we are usually always in pursuit of a new job, new adventure, or a new thrill. Losing x-amount of weight, seeing so-and-so in concert, getting our nth certification in whatever skill set, or any of the other benchmarks that we see as beneficial in our own personal race to success.

In pursuit of our goals, we usually work on a couple at a time and stay pretty blind to anything that doesn’t help us achieve them despite exclusivity.

As if avoiding a date with an attractive and interesting stranger is going to make the bank process our mortgage faster (it doesn’t, I’ve tried it).

There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you think you’re going to be able to fall in love like they do in the movies and keep that mentality, you’ve got another thing coming.

Love like the movies is often organic, unpredictable, inconvenient, and usually knocks the protagonist off course.

We have successfully leeched any prospect of organic, unpredictable, and inconvenient interaction from the art of dating by believing that if we keep our eyes on the prize we’ll get it.

“The world is available to us, but that may be the problem.”

We decide we’re working on our businesses, our family relationships, or ourselves and shut out everything that doesn’t align with that fantasy – including romance. We shut our eyes to any prospects with the knowledge that once we tie the loose ends of what it is we’re currently working on we can move on to romance.

If and when it suits us.

Spoiler alert: when you decide it’s time to focus on romance, every one you would be interested in dating is going to be focused on their career, family, or themselves.

This shit never lines up. It’s right up there beside Murphy’s Law.

Plus, if you do find someone when you’re restlessly searching for love, it’s going to be someone else who is restlessly looking for love and you’re going to be pissed that you don’t have a tale to tell aside from “I was 6 vodkas deep at quarter to one and they told me that they could really fall for someone like me”.

Truth is they also missed the boat on the real deal because he let his other goals cloud his view and now he’s in the same spot you are.

It’s not going to be unexpected and beautiful like you hoped it would be because you didn’t have time for something unexpected and beautiful in your quest to smash your goal of the week.

Due to its ceaseless complexities, love is one of the few goals that can’t be compartmentalized. The same opportunities wont always be there when you’re ready for them.

You don’t have to abandon your vision or let up on your goals, just ensure you don’t narrow your range of sight insofar as to miss out on all of the potentially beautiful things you wouldn’t see otherwise.