I'll Take Mine, But I'll Also Take Yours: A Brief Intro Into Selfishness

“I’ve gotten everything I have ever wanted being selfish. Why would I change?”

I shit you not; an actual human man said these words to me after I called him out for blowing me off for the fourth time in a row. I should have figured it out after the first time, but he was a hard ten in the body department and I’m a bit naïve.

Sue me.

Of all of the atrocious and out of pocket exchanges I have been on the receiving end of during my time navigating the dating world, this particular instance has stuck with me for years.

Now. I’m not an expert. I have undergone no formal training and obtained no qualifications related to the art of selfishness other than simply being a person who behaves selfishly at times and in turn interacts with other people who also behave selfishly.

If Trump can be president, I can be a morality coach for the next three minutes.

Neither of us are experienced, but fuck it, we’re doing it live.

I can guarantee you that if you get me drunk and we decide to “share” food, I’ll eat most of it and pretend I didn’t. My justification for this being that I’m drunk, hungry, and probably bigger than you so it works out.

I’ve also blocked my ex-boyfriend on social media solely because I can’t be fucked to deal with him, take up the most space in the vegetable crisper, and ALWAYS claim shotgun regardless of whether someone else called it first.

It’s selfish.

But let me be clear- we all do selfish things. Just like we all make mistakes and forget to pull meat out of the freezer when we’re asked to. This doesn’t mean we’re inherently selfish.

We’re all just morons with questionable time management.

However, repeatedly behaving selfishly and disregarding other people’s time, space, and autonomy makes us selfish.

My generation is particularly impressionable (refer to any and every YouTube challenge) and I believe we act this way because the generation before us consistently tells us to put what we want and who we want to be first.

They aren’t wrong.

We (the Harlem Shake-ers) just haven’t figured out the key differences between being selfish and giving value to what we need.

I think it’s easy to get lost in the “feelin’ myself”, “doin’ myself”, “I aint fuckin’ wit you” attitudes (Mom, none of these are innuendos) in pursuit of our dream careers, love lives, education, and family situations. That being said, It’s also easy to forget that everyone else is trying to establish themselves in their space and compromise and general consideration are necessary in order to maintain peace and promote growth. Everyone’s growth.

Sometimes having a conversation is going to be more difficult than just shutting down, but disrupting someone else’s journey for the sake of your own just makes you an asshole.

Sorry ‘bout it.

If you’re ever unclear about the distinction, here’s a cheat sheet:

Being selfish:

Ghosting. Expecting handouts. Being flaky. Using all the hot water before anyone else gets the chance to shower. Asking for a fry and taking three instead.

Putting yourself first:

Saying goodbye to toxic people. Negotiating trades. Only agreeing to meetings if they support your journey and priorities. Getting up earlier to shower so that the hot water tank has time to refill. If you want fries, buy fries.

Spoiler alert: its two years later and being selfish has left that beautiful boy running in circles. I assume his abs are still bangin’, but his main philosophy failed him.

I’ll leave you with the same advice I left him with: put yourself first, but never at the expense of others.

You’ll sleep better at night.