Playing Limbo

There’s something to be said for indecision.

The inability to give a definitive yes or no is less a genuine unknowing and more a fear of committing.

A fear that our generation holds on to as if letting go of it will bring forth the unspeakable.

Unlike the things of nightmares, the unspeakable goes by many names.

Honesty. Vulnerability. Clarity of intention.

A cluster of ideas that we’re told are important yet we have also been taught to silence them more often than not because “it’s a dog eat dog world after all”.

We sacrifice honesty, vulnerability, and clarity of intention to keep ourselves in an advantageous position.

Because somewhere along the line we were indoctrinated with the idea that having the upper hand is more important than character.

Leaving one another in limbo became more honorable than making a definitive choice at the expense of maybe being wrong.

Judged.

Challenged.

We would rather stay tethered to each other by a series of clichéd lines than show each other the decency of closure for our own self-service.

“I’ll have to think on it.”

“Maybe.”

“I’m busy for the next little while, but let’s touch base in a bit.”

“Let’s not put a label on this for now.”

Because saying no when you want to say no, or yes when you want to say yes lays intentions in red ink and leaves us vulnerable.

Definitive choices set in motion a butterfly effect that we often can’t see the trajectory of and that terrifies us more than anything.

We could be left without the upper hand.

We could be left vulnerable.

But just as we don’t want to give definitive answers, we often don’t seek the either.

.

Because we rather hold on to the false hopes bred by the ‘maybe’s, and ‘we’ll touch base’s, and ‘let’s not put a label on this for now’s.

Because a yes or no would force us to move in a certain direction instead of staying where it’s safe.

What happens when the answer isn’t the one you want?

You move on with the definitive knowledge that there is something different for you lingering somewhere else.

Whatever it may look like.

This specific one just isn’t for you.

But what happens when the answer is the one you want?

We would rather leave and be left on read than say what we really mean because we fear what comes after.

We would rather not ask for what we want in the hopes that we’ll stumble across it in equal fear.

Maybe it’s backlash. Maybe it’s gratitude.

Indecision is a decision in itself.

A choice to commit to not knowing. Not moving forward one way or another.

You’ll never know unless you ask the questions you want to ask and give the answers you spend so much time rehearsing in your head.