The Woman Makes the Woman

Romantic relationships are not the end all be all of life as we know it – though the plotline of most movies and the premise of procreation rely on it almost entirely, there are definitely equally (if not more) important elements to living a full life: friendships, career, education, vengeance, space travel, etc.

As a woman, I get asked at least five times a day whether or not I’m in a relationship, why I’m not in a relationship, what’s so wrong with me that I can’t get a man, If I want to have a family one day, or any of the other variations of this very boring cliché.

My answers? No I’m not, because I’m not, not a damn thing, and sure – one day.

Also, fuck off.

No one ever asks if you have a 5-year career projection, a high interest savings account, a clean driving record, or the basic competence necessary in making KD.

No, people just want to know if you have someone that will heavy breathe on you and invade your space when you sleep. *

*I’m sure this happens to men also, but they probably get to wait until they’re forty before anyone cares and they get high-fives instead of criticism if they don’t have a boo-thang on lock. Also, my complete lack of a penis prevents me from fully weighting in on this point of view.

Don’t get me wrong – I love boys. Boys are fucking great. If my life were being graded, I would probably pass the Bechdel Test only 1 in 5 times. However, it’s exhausting feeling like your worth (or what makes you interesting) is forever tied to Carhartts and a patchy beard.

I wish we as a society reinforced the idea (for women, men, plant people) that it’s okay if perusing a romantic relationship isn’t the number one thing on your to-do list. Because it is.

Buy the house, book the trip, go into debt getting ANOTHER degree, take up cross-stitch. Fucking do you.

Relationships are always going to be there.

If that’s not your jam, “You up?” texts are always going to be there too.

On the flip side, PSA to the people who keep asking whether or not we’re in relationships: it doesn’t matter. If we are, great. If we aren’t, it’s probably because we have more important things on our plate and not because we are awful love-less losers. Thanks for your input though.

If our relationship status is something we’re attached to, we’ll let you know. Until then mind your own business, Carol.

For many of us, we can say that we don’t NEED a partner. We can pay our own bills, we can kill our own spiders, and we can drive our damn selves to the Sex Shop.

If we WANT a partner – because hey, they often smell nice and body heat is cheaper to run than the furnace during the harsh Canadian winters – we’ll see it through on our own terms.

It’s not shameful to be “alone” and grinding. Nor is it to be alone and in pursuit, in a relationship and grinding, in a relationship and wanting to be alone, or any another patchwork of these ideals.

If your life goal is to have a kick ass career, drink martinis, and never talk to the opposite sex again so long as you live – rad as.

If your life goal is to meet someone on Tinder and pop out six babies in ten years – also rad.

It’s cool to be wherever you are and it’s nobody’s business but your own.