The Women We Loved First

Before the men we loved taught us the lessons that grew us, the women we loved first made us the people we needed to be in order to learn them.

The women who became our sisters.

Our soulmates.

Our best friends.

The women who we told our secrets to when we thought secrecy was all there was.

Our first grade crushes, what we wanted to be when we grew up, and what really happened when Mom left Dad in charge.

The women who once, at four feet tall in sailor moon pig-tails, stood loyally through hamster funerals, botched Easy Bake meals, and three viewings of the Lion King per day despite their aversion.

The women who invited us to their childhood birthday parties out of free will rather than school policy.

The ones who stood up for us when we were bullied.

The ones who still loved us when we turned out to be the bully.

The women who would rather put to bed arguments about boys, popularity, and the future for the sake of laughing together into the early hours on a trampoline turned campsite.

As we grew older, the women who were there for the firsts.

The important firsts.

The first time we snuck out of the house, smoked weed, or busted up Mom’s car.

The ones who dried our tears the first time we discovered Malibu Rum makes us equal parts irrational and emotional.

The ones who ran damage control when things first went south.

Our first bad one night stand. They idled in his driveway the morning after to help us at least sidestep the cab fare when we knew we couldn’t sidestep the shame.

Our first debilitating heart break. They came armed with ice cream and warm silence while we tried to work out where we went wrong.

Our first pregnancy scare. They parked in the Expectant Mother’s stall to alleviate the stress.

We were still stressed but it was nice to know that if it came to it, they’d make an excellent heterosexual life partner.

Before we loved men, we loved the women who made us who we needed to be in order to grow up and become the people we want to be.

Some stayed while others left in the dark when we needed them the most – leaving nothing but unanswered questions in their wake.

Some needed to walk by themselves for a while and come back to us only when they were ready.

Some went on to exist as only an occasional social media affirmation.

Some we never heard from again, but the sentiment remains the same.

If it weren’t for the women we loved as best friends, sisters, soul mates, or chapters of a past life, we wouldn’t be the women we are today.

The women who use the front door instead of the basement window, and grew up to have a good mechanic on call.

The women who learned through trial and error how to show empathy and humor in the face of adversity.

The women who know a night under the stars on a trampoline turned campsite trumps whatever last call at the local pub hesitantly offers.

Without the women who held us through hamster funerals and our first heartbreaks, we wouldn’t know how to properly hold any other heart.

I will never speak ill of the women who loved me first, and let me love them back, as they were my first teachers.

Therapists.

Guardians.

They taught me how to love myself for the force of nature that I am so that when it comes time to give my love to someone else, I would already have a home in my own heart to come back to.

I will always champion on the women who saved me from dangers I never knew were there, because they chose to put themselves on the frontlines.

Whether they exist as a constant in my life or a fond memory, I will forever be grateful for the women who stood in as an active participant in my evolution.

To the teammates from each walk of life - past, present, and future.

I hope the women you love next teach you all that you taught me.

Forever, the woman you loved first.